🔗 Share this article The Phrases given by A Father That Rescued Me during my time as a New Father "I think I was just in survival mode for the first year." Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad. However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured. Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo. "I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained. Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help. The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing. His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face. Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time." "It is not a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult. They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household. Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective. He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her. Self-parenting That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood. He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures. Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father. The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection. Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish. "You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm." Strategies for Managing as a New Father Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone. Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming. Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping. Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things. Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can support your loved ones. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked. When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons. "I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen. "I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."
"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year." Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad. However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured. Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo. "I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained. Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help. The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing. His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face. Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time." "It is not a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult. They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household. Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective. He came to see he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her. Self-parenting That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood. He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures. Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father. The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four. During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection. Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish. "You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm." Strategies for Managing as a New Father Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone. Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming. Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping. Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things. Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can support your loved ones. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked. When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons. "I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen. "I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."