🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.